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~El-oh-im:iconEl-oh-im:

Yagmur  

  • Status: Member
  • Deviously Deviant
  • Female/Turkey
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  • Deviant since May 14, 2006, 3:01 PM
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Biraz Mola...

Journal Entry: Sat Feb 23, 2008, 2:33 AM
Son zamanlarda karmakarışık düşüncelerim: her şeye dair. Uyanık mıyım yoksa derin bir uykunun kollarında mıyım? Bilmiyorum...

Son zamanlarda fazla bir şey bilmiyorum aslında. Sadece yorgun hissediyorum kendimi. O kadar yorgun ki denetim elinden kayip gitmiş gibi... Hayata dair bir yorgunluk var üstüme çöken. Ama hayatla ilgisiz...Olup bitenlerden değil dışımdaki, içimde kopan fırtınalardan ileri gelen bir yorgunluk, uyuşukluk...

Karamsarlık, melankoli yada paranoya gibi değil, dibe kadar batip debendiğim içinde. Ne olmadığını biliyorum ama ne olduğundan emin değilim...

Karmakarışık düşüncelerim, düşlerim...O kadar karışıklar ki...elimde avucumda kapkaranlık sayfalar... Yazdığım sözcüklerin izi kalmıyor... O karanlıkta kaybolup gidiyor, yitiyor.

O karmakarışık düşüncelerin arasında kırgınım ve kızgınım her şeye, herkese ama en çok kendime. Kırgın ve kızgın olmaya hakkım yokmuş gibi her şeye, herkese ve buna rağmen kırgın ve kızgın hissettiğim için belki de... Bir suçlu aramıyorum çünkü onca geçen zaman içinde yaşatılanlar için. Yaşatıldığından fazla yaşadım, fazlalaştırdım, ağırlaştırdım çünkü... Ve o anda, işte o karmakarışık düşünceler içinden tiz bir ses suçluyu ilan ediyor. "Benim" O, kendi katilim, kendi düşmanım...

Biraz güç toplamak için "Mola", çünkü içimden bir ses daha her şeyin çok başında olduğumu söylüyor. Henüz başlamamış gibi...

  • Mood: Worried
  • Listening to: Scorpions-Lonely nights
  • Reading: Balikcil Gozu
  • Watching: Heroes season 2
  • Playing: kuyrugumla
  • Eating: ne bulursam
  • Drinking: çay

Devious Information

  • Current Age: indefinite
  • Current Residence: My own dream land
  • Interests: Black Metal, Frp books, spiritual working
  • Favourite movie: Monthy Phyton and the holy grail
  • Favourite genre of music: Black Metal
  • Favourite artist: Jim Carrey:P
  • Favourite poet or writer: H.P Lovecraft, Alfred Bester, Tolkien,etc
  • Favourite style or digital art: Dark
  • Operating System: antika oldu bizimkisi...açIk arttIrmaya çIkartIcam
  • Favourite cartoon character: Tazmanian devil
  • Personal Quote: Adam oldum.

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~El-oh-im:iconEl-oh-im: May 6, 2008, 9:10:11 AMComment hidden by Owner
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